Let's Get Ready to Rumble!

If your partnership doesn't have conflict, you're doing it wrong.

As much as it is incorrect to think that conflict creates growth it is also incorrect to think that perpetual peace produces growth.  So often we act as if peace is the ultimate goal, but do you know what perpetual peace will get you?  Stagnation.

Of course on the opposite end of the spectrum ongoing conflict and never-ending debate are certainly a huge negative too.  Endless squabbles will create division and decimate the strength of your alliance.  You cannot persist in a contentious environment because steps forward are never made.  Bickering, quarrelling, and backstabbing get you nowhere.  But, that said, if you want to grow you must have some meaningful exchange of opinions even if it ruffles some feathers.  Perhaps even because it ruffles some feathers.

It is the exchange of new ideas that moves people forward and helps to fuse the focus of multiple parties from different organizations.  It is definitely more of an art than a science, but I hope I can offer help with some basic pointers in this area to make the exchange helpful and not harmful.

It should be part of the culture within an alliance relationship so that it happens naturally.  Natural debate in a safe environment fosters creativity and spurs the alliance to new heights.  Creating that culture is the real key here, and the stages of building that environment is where you should focus.

1. First and Foremost: Trust.  You have got to build a safe environment with people who trust each other because if you don't, this whole thing sinks.  The best way to develop trust is from the passage of time plus a keen eye.  Unfortunately, you might not have a few years available to build trust.  Fear not, though, there are ways to supercharge the development over a shorter period of time.  Before I dive into that, I did mention having a keen eye.  Time alone doesn't build trust.  The great alliance manager will monitor inter-personal relationships and identify potential hot spots in the partnership, smoothing them out over time rather than fixing blowups more infrequently.  This smoothing effort has the byproduct of building trust. (It's also a great idea for another post on this site... too many details to cover here.)  You can also develop trust by spending time with each other's families or supporting similar causes. (Go to charitable functions together or have a day of service.)  Showing an interest in something that someone in the alliance likes is a great way to charge up the trust level, too.  Sports, music, and food are great for this.  Go have some sushi.  Watch a ball game.  In meetings make sure everyone is heard.  After meetings, go to someone and ask what they thought was the best or worst part of the meeting... Get them talking.  All of these interactions draw people closer and build a greater level of trust.
2. Meet often. Poke often.  Ask probing questions and delve into areas where you think there will be differences of opinion.  Doing this in an open environment is a non-threatening way to let people say what they think.  This is a great entry-level way to get those opinions out on the table.
3. Square Off.  As you poke you are going to find areas where there are differences of opinion.  If these are handled appropriately and constructively, you win.  The goals here are to make sure the issue is clearly stated and each party has time to express their point.  The critical factor here is that everyone is heard and that they feel heard.  So many of us "listen" only so that we can then speak.  I put "listen" in quotation marks because it isn't really listening... We keep our mouth shut while someone else is talking, all the while planning what we will say.  Everything they say just goes in one ear and out the other.  That is not productive and it doesn't work.  So, clearly state the issue, have each side actively listen to the others, and have them indicate they heard them.  It's easier said than done of course, but that's why you get paid the big bucks.
4. Identify Paths Forward.  When there is trust and issues are brought to the surface, meaningful debate can occur.  The best part of that is that new paths forward can be identified.  As they are identified you can look at all of the viable options and work toward the best possible route.  I hope I'm not simplifying too greatly here, because this is magic.  Did you ever get a present you loved that you would have never bought for yourself?  That is exactly what this is like.  Getting all of those new ideas out on the table creates new routes that the organization would never have considered.  If one of those routes is chosen as the path forward - hallelujah!  That is a major win for the alliance.
5. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.  Keep building trust because you will surely need it.  Keep poking.  Keep squaring off in a safe environment.  Find those gems that will propel the partnership.